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A poem for my sister

It was in the winter of 1999

When you entered our family of three

As a chubby, rosy but silly baby

An adorable addition to our bloodline

The first time I held you

I knew you were trouble

Your mischievous eyes stared into mine

And I knew I was stuck with you

Until the end of time

You soon turned a dramatic eight

And my constant source of annoyance

Always following me and my playmate

Making funny faces in defiance

You then entered your teens

While I was at university, trying to adult

Our bond shifted like gears of machines

And we struck chords of deep friendship

We began to confide our secrets anew

I shared my successes and failures

For you to learn and take the easier way

As I was concerned of any troubles

Big or small, befalling you

We went on long drives

Blasting off music, heading to our favorite beach

Shared a liking to each other’s favorite snacks

And had laughs over chai and stories of heartbreaks

Amidst all this, I didn’t notice you grow up

It seems so soon and unreal

That you’re teenage years are up

But proud I am for real

To see the woman in you, my dear

Who’s blossoming, beautiful and kind

And wise and passionate about life

Stay the way you are

Unless change is for the good

Guard yourself like a treasure

Against any folly or evil misunderstood

Happy birthday to you

My sister, my confidante

May you have many more

Days filled with light, not blue.

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Lone traveler

We come into this world alone, experience its joys and trials alone, and die alone. All the people in our journey are just passengers of their own journey. Everyone is temporary.

I was struck deeply with this realization when I was in the hospital recently, undergoing a minor surgery to keep my baby safe. My overwhelming emotions of fear and anxiety were something I had to face alone. I’m thankful to all the people who visited me, wished for my wellbeing, stood by my side, helped me throughout, but nobody, including my husband, truly understood or experienced the physical and emotional pain I endured. Nobody understood how dead I felt when I was given anesthesia, how I felt I would never return back to reality, how terrifying it was to not be able to see clearly and hear muffled sounds and not being able to make sense of my surroundings. This was a life changing event which has altered the way I view life now. I don’t mean I am a pessimist and I don’t value the relationships that I am blessed with, but I have also learnt to no longer keep expectations from even my loved ones.

Our battle will always be ours. Whether we choose to embrace it or run away from it, that would decide our quality of life.

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Another world

In another world, under another star

Roses would bloom at night

Enchanting travelers by their scent and sight

Any hint of gloom, near or far

Would be obliterated quite

They would walk fatigued yet upright

In another world, under another star

Loving the unknown would be alright

No colors, no tongues would possess might

In joy or sorrow, at any hour

We would still dazzle bright

And exist together, wrong or right

In another world, under another star

We would lead a legendary war

Where dreams would crush cultural insight.

Posted in Life, love, musings, reality, reflections, World

Love humanity

It is easy to love someone you know, or you have formed some form of attachment with. But it is difficult and worthy of applause when we develop ourselves to love humanity. This love can stem only when we detach ourselves from our own tiny world and focus on the bigger picture we are surrounded by. This is probably the driving force behind my company’s latest CSR campaign this Valentine’s day: ‘Celebrate love by donating’ ! My company rarely impresses me by their activities, but this one has truly attracted my heart and soul! It is a very unique and inspiring thought indeed.

U.A.E has declared this year of 2017 as the ‘Year of Giving’. Subconsciously, this thought always pricked me that I am not doing anything for the greater good. My life is so entangled with my own relationships, both personal and professional, that I never really paused to think how my existence could impact people positively. Time and again, I am nagged by my conscience that my life is really unproductive. We love some people in our lives so dearly, we give them our all yet at some point of time, they hurt us. They puncture a hole in our heart every time they do so. And they even walk out without warning. We mope around for a few days, months, or years and replace those people with a fresh set of people. But the cycle of heartbreak repeats. It is a part of life. I have decided that I do not want to replace people with people to attain happiness. I have tried that multiple times and somehow, always failed. I always wondered where I am going wrong. I expected, that is where I went wrong. Now I want to channel all my love, care and attention towards humanity. I want to nurture my soul by giving all I have to the desperate and needy creations of Allah, without expectation of any return from them. Maybe then I can justify my presence in the world. Maybe then I can sleep peacefully at night. Maybe then I can silence the tug of war in my heart between my duties and desires.

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Posted in Life, reality, reflections, wordprompt

Cling 

I pass by the play room in my home but a strong, peculiar smell pulls me back. I inspect the room and realize that the smell has travelled here from the apartment above that is undergoing maintenance. However, the chemical odour seemed oddly familiar, like some long forgotten friend. My brain processed the mystery quickly and I remembered that my grandma’s tiny house used to smell like that.

The smell pushed over a wave of nostalgia over me. This house was the place most of my childhood vacations were spent in. Although having a small capacity, those days when we used to go for vacation, all my maternal cousins used to join us in my Nani’s house. The fun we used to have playing hopscotch, the thrill of riding bicycles on unpaved dirt paths, the sheer joy of collecting marbles, I missed it all. Early morning, my Nani used to sit on a small stool in the kitchen, beside a gas stove, preparing breakfast for all, tending to each one’s demand. Some of us wanted ‘chai roti’, which is made by breaking down the normal ‘paratha’ into tiny pieces and soaking them in milk tea. But I always wanted Nani to make ‘shakkar ki roti’, a form of paratha with a filling of sugar. I have eaten the best pastries of the world yet I always desire to eat the ‘shakkar ki roti’ made by my Nani. During the monsoons, my uncle used to get hot and spicy savories like ‘mirch pakodas’ from the nearby road stalls. All of us used to munch on these, over lame jokes, rounds of Antakshari (a game where players sing songs from the last letter the previous player ended at) and ghost stories.

I usually move on from things and get bored easily. I am also quite forgetful and absent-minded but somehow my mind never fails to cling on to these memories. Someday, I want to re-create those days with the same people. But people change. I doubt if the attempt would provide the same outcome. Nevertheless, I would try once. To make it all the same again.

Posted in reality, reflections, wordprompt

Daily Prompt- Shine

Corresponding to daily prompt,  SHINE

Everyday, from a population of 7 billion people, a major fraction wakes up into a fresh morning, some happily, some crankily, some hopelessly and some ambitiously. No matter how lazy and forlorn one feels when they first open their eyes in the morning, their dread and gloom lessen considerably when they step out from their homes and the sun’s rays shine down upon them. Following that, hearts becomes lighter, moods become brighter and thoughts become wiser.

I sometimes imagine how life would be without the sun and shudder at the thought. Just contemplating upon this creation of Allah makes me feel so grateful to Him. It also amazes me how a celestial body, around 145.6 million km away from our planet, has the potential to change one’s outlook towards life so substantially. This morning sunshine radiates positivism and propels one to outshine everyone in the dark struggles of this life. It inspires one to engulf others in affection and spread love, joy and happiness. It makes one believe that no matter how bad last night was, we still have today to make things alright. We still have a day to make the world SHINE, even after the sun sets. This sole belief gives life what it usually lacks- a direction. And when one has a purpose, life becomes tolerable to a great extent. Then, all you need to shine is love- give it, receive it, share it- just do it!

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Posted in Life, modernization, reality, reflections, Uncategorized, wordprompt, World

Daily Prompt: Disagree

via Daily Prompt: Disagree

Most of what I see on the news these days, makes my insides recoil in shame, pity and anger. The mounting tensions all over the world, the pools of blood formed everyday in the name of God, the false hypocritical talks of a certain Drumpf (and similar prototypes budding in every country), the advancement of vulgarity labelled under ‘freedom to live as one wishes’, the consecutive invasion of once-revered morals, the violation of souls whose bodies are raped, the ever-growing gap between the poor and the rich, all of it hurts me and shatters my illusion that humanity will embrace peace someday. I disagree with what the world has become. I disagree that good times are soon to come. Yet, a tiny hopeful part of me disagrees with myself, and argues. That it is all for the good. That the human in all us of will outperform the devil. But I won’t be deceived again. I disagree until I witness that sheer moment of unparalleled brilliance.

 

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Silence

She woke up in the middle of the night. Her worn eyes tried to focus on the blurred surroundings, taking in each detail of the ward she was placed in. Her nose wrinkled at the smell of the pungent detergent that was used to clean the tiny room. It had been four months since her arrival here. Four months since she had a peaceful sleep. Surviving the day was easier, it was the night that she dreaded. It was the silence that woke her up. Every night. The stillness of the air around her reminded her of how suddenly her life had come to a standstill. How suddenly all was lost. She missed the calm of the night that used to follow after her busy day. She longed for that deep sleep that one goes into after a tedious, challenging day. It seemed that like fate, even sleep was deceiving her now. Her companion of thirty years had abandoned her. So suddenly, heartlessly. She had nobody to bicker at, eat with, laugh at and sing with. Multiplying, unwanted cells of his body had created an infinite space in her life, heart and soul. Each passing moment of her life now echoes only one thing- silence which makes up the long pause between life and death.

 

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Forgiving the Flesh–In Which I Recount the Ways My Body Has Betrayed Me

Our body deserves our attention.. Truly..

dearlilyjune

Dear Lily June,

As human beings, we live in the flimsy structures of our fleshy bodies. Our hearts, like birds, are protected only by a cage of ribs; our minds, like yolks, sit inside the bony eggs of our skulls. It is a system designed to be fragile and frail. We are not built to last forever.

In my youth, I felt as if my body was invincible and thus, I treated it as if it were invisible. (In fact, your Grandma Raelyn might recall to you someday how I used to hide my body, as a toddler, under my ratty baby blanket, transforming myself into a makeshift ghost and earnestly believing no one could see me when I was under there.)

When my own Grandmother Mary began the comparison game as I hit my early teens, wondering why I couldn’t “try to be beautiful” like my sister–your Aunt Loren–I…

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