I went back home, tired. It was bedtime soon and I was so drowsy that I thought I would sleep as soon as I hit the bed. But I was sadly mistaken. My sleep was disturbed with my unconscious efforts to take my cell from under the pillow and check my notifications, only to realize that I no longer possessed one. Once it was morning, I got dressed for college and boarded the bus. The bus ride, as expected, was very unpleasant because I had to endure one whole hour of gossip in Malayalam ( a South Indian language I very much do not understand) from the girl sitting in the seat behind me. If only I had my cell, I could drown her bellows by the soothing songs on my playlist. By now, you may have guessed how my day would have proceeded. I had to stick around with my friends all the time fearing I would lose them and would have no way to contact them. 😛 .
But then, surprisingly, at the day’s end, I began to realize that I can actually have a very good, stress-free day without a cell too, only if I stop cribbing about it. It was stress-free because I found time to do the tasks I always neglected due to the times wasted in texting friends, and listening to the same dumb playlist again and again. There was no worry now. No complaints from friends that I did not reply to their senseless messages, or did not respond to their annoying missed calls. I had a simple, honest excuse – I do not have my cell. I was finally able to read half of ‘The Fellowship of the Ring’, which I have been trying to complete since around 2 months now. I also got the time to write this post in a peaceful state of mind. And, I also STUDIED (my mom shoukd read this 😛 ) .
I guess I really had become some sort of an addict. And I guess although this addiction was not killing me, it was definitely killing my time. I just hope I am able to manage my time efficiently even after I get my Xperia back 😛 I now know what famous keyboard player Ken Hensley meant when he said, ‘ It is hard to understand addiction unless you experienced it.’
On my vacation to my home place Hyderabad six months ago (this also being the reason why I had so regrettably abandoned my blog), these were the thoughts occupying my head very profoundly. Everywhere I went, shadows of my past stalked me. And all I could think of was, ‘if only’ I had not said that, ‘if only’ I had not done that. I sometimes wonder, when will such a time come in my life when I would no longer need to say ‘if only’. When will I be content? Is it me who is flawed or is it just this world?
Revisiting places close to our heart can be a very weird experience. One moment we see ourselves smiling, recollecting some random day spent in bliss in the same place, and the next second brings with it a sinking feeling of painful nostalgia. I gulp down my tears and try hard to brush it off my mind, and erase the sequence of events that replay from time to time but unfortunately an invention that aids in selective memory loss has still not been invented.
However, the undeniable fact is that I am what I am today because of those bittersweet experiences which have made all the difference. The difference that will last a lifetime.
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