If only…

When I was younger, about twenty

I used to think innocently

Oh, let me just get that job!

Then I would never sob!

After getting my heart broken by plenty

I used to think innocently

Oh, let me just get married!

Then I would never be single and harried!

I now have a job, I make good money

I am now married, a mother of a baby

I still sob well, I am quite harried..

Truth is, I am lost, almost buried

Beneath the burden of responsibility

I have forgotten my true identity

All I wished for was love and joy

But all I’ve amassed is bitter foy

As the present seems bleak in pain

My heart still pounds in vain

Hoping for a brighter day ahead

I wake up each day and make some bread

I wear a smile all day, all gay

Hoping that good comes my way

And I bid farewell forever

To those memories that run a dagger

Through my heart and soul, and scatter

All the good in me away

To nothingness, vacuum and dismay.

What is inevitable

They say the only thing that one can be certain of facing is DEATH. Yet when it strikes your loved one, why does it shock you and traumatize you beyond repair? We watch the news and see millions of people departing from the world due to poverty, sickness and terrorism but that barely manages to move us for a minute but when a dear one of ours passes away, we feel like its the end of the world, not only for us, but for everyone. The world becomes eclipsed by an unseen phenomena. We wail and cry till our eyes can no longer support us. We struggle to breathe through that constricted, suffocating windpipe. We feel that we have the right to demand everyone’s sympathy and compassion towards us. And when people do not reciprocate in the expected manner, they become cruel? What we fail to question ourselves is, ‘were we any different’?

Where on one hand, death’s hand cruelly takes away a part of us, its intensity of pain can re-unite ties that were severed long time ago. Its ominous presence ironically shines light upon the path of forgiveness, love and care between bitter relations. A whole lifetime does not suffice to teach us the importance of love, friendship and unity, the way death so brutally does. And for those who still ignore its teachings, death renders them with nothing but regrets. Regrets for not making up when there was time, regrets for acting so foolish, regrets for acting so selfish, regrets for not regretting earlier.

Although, as much as we loved those who pass away, we learn to cope up with their absence over time. We begin to smile, laugh and even love again. I wonder how those up in the heaven feel when they gaze down at us, laughing and loving again, without them. Do they think, ‘after everything I did, this is what they do’? Or do they really feel selflessly happy for us?  Does the goodness of heaven diminish the worldly attribute of jealousy?

There is no doubt that life is short. Whether you live for a staggering 100 years, a strong 50 or an innocent 15, as they always say, its not the quantity but the quality that matters. Why do we spend so much of our life struggling with hatred, jealousy, greed and enmity when we can spend the same time with love and compassion. The answer is because we somehow believe that we are immortal. We believe that our healthy diet, exercise and our fixed deposits are going to be our everlasting elixir of life. Just embracing the fact that this world is temporary and that we have to leave everything behind one fine day is a powerful factor to keep us grounded. This is the solution to every fight. Yes, this is what we need to ultimately achieve what is called World Peace.

Simba

“No! No, Simba is not going anywhere”, I said firmly gazing upon my European, snow-white pussy. The adorable creature purred and looked at me with those innocent grey eyes that pleaded silently to not send him away. The scene changed and I could see Simba stretching out his paw playfully towards my hand, meowing cutely. And yet again, a darkness ensued which was followed by another sequence of events that could see me crying and hoping it was all a dream. Simba was going away. I cried harder. “It is just a dream”, I assured myself. “Just a dream”, I repeated. It got dark again. And with a jolt, I woke up. Well, it was a dream. But it depicted one thing right, Simba had really gone. And the moment that crushing truth dawned over me, I cried myself back to sleep. It had been three days since my beloved cat was given away to the Sharjah municipality. I had not cried once since, or maybe I did, but I did my best in reasoning the need of giving him away and focused all my attention on other ‘important’ things. I tried hard in not giving in to emotions like the rest of my family members, who remarked on his absence in every few hours. I avoided thinking of how my mornings started with him prowling in my way, waiting for me to feed him, of how I was his favorite when it came to communicating via his meows, of how my bed was his favorite, cosy spot to take an afternoon nap on. But dreams are in fact mostly a manifestation of our deepest desires and fears and a portrayal of our best and worst memories that we so successfully conceal when we are awake.

I still remember the first day I had met him. Those days I could not stand the thought of living under the same room with a cat, or any pet for that matter. I was so afraid of cats that I used to jump a mile away on contact with his fur. My face used to burn, my ears used to twitch and my heart used to race when he came near me. But within a week, he won my heart. His mischievous eyes that also reflected the innocence of a 2-month old kitten and his playful attitude warmed my heart towards him and made me find a new companion in him. I named him Simba because of the grandeur with which he walked, always reminding me of the cute lion cub, ‘Simba’ of ‘The Lion King’.  I never knew before that the presence of a tiny animal could affect my life to such an extent. Simba had become the baby of our house. He got the most attention from everyone. His charm worked on people in such a delightful way that our relatives used to ask about his well-being every time they called from India.  I am not sure whether those who have never owned a pet would be able to relate to my emotions but I can guarantee that anyone who has ever loved and cared for an animal in this manner would be able to understand exactly what I am talking about.  A strange bond forms between a pet and his family, which can just not be explained. It can only be felt. To compare it to the bond between a mother and a child, or two friends would still be inappropriate because this is just something different, yet intense. A new lesson life has taught me is that love, companionship and attachment are not dependent on how similar two individuals are. It does not depend on race, culture, religion and in this case, species of origin. It is a magical connection that just happens and its longevity depends on how much we value it and how much effort we take to maintain it.

                                                        

When we took him in our house, none of us ever thought we would have to part with him so soon. But certain unavoidable health problems are associated with cat fur that forced us to make this decision. The pain of his separation still lives in all our hearts, yet nobody talks about him anymore. All of us are trying to move on and giving each other hope that he is fine and that soon we would be fine too. It is almost as hard as losing a human companion. Every place I see in the house still reminds me of those two years spent with him. I can sometimes almost see him right there, lying on the couch, or climbing on the fridge or looking at the world outside from the balcony.  And to think that now he is out there, facing it all alone without us makes my heart ache. I do not think I would ever be able to forget him. He was my first pet. And also my last. 

When it all ends, it goes down on paper

Hey everyone! I am really very happy to tell you all that two of my works have been published in my college magazine. I know its not a big shot, but it was my first attempt at getting something published somewhere and it is really a wonderful feeling when people you know very well, and even those you really don’t know that well, come up to you and appreciate your work. So I thought I need to share one of those poems with you all too. The first one has been published in this blog earlier, in the post titled ‘Emptiness’. These were written about 6-7 months ago at a very low point of my life. But Alhamdulillah (thanks to Allah), the time has gone, and these poems just reminisce the feelings then.

THE END OF YOU

Here I am back on the lane..

Which gives nothing else but pain..

When will it stop?

The sliding tear drop,

When will they fade?

The memories that eventually invade,

My mind, my heart, my soul..

Planting a deathly ghoul..

You taught me how to love

I learnt how to care

Those silent conversations we drove

Are the best moments we share

But now you’re gone

And I’m forlorn

Wish you had shown me how to hate

Because you’re not worth the wait

My only hope in sight

Is that the day would become bright

The clouds would cast away

And I would dance and sway

And talk and smile

Which I have not done in a while

Oh Lord, bring back those times

Please.. bring back those times…

I’d appreciate your feedback! Hope you liked it! 🙂

Emptiness

Memories. Sigh, they can be joyful and precious, or painful and not worth a dime. And the worst trait of the latter kinds are that no matter how hard we try, they can just never be forgotten. We always forget the happier moments of life whenever we are faced with a tragedy. Whats worse is one tragedy has the power to flood our mind with all the other tragedies that have occurred in the past. And then starts the trip down the memory lane. A harsh, rugged lane, with very few highs and many more lows. I travelled down a similar memory lane last night and I suddenly recollected the poem I had written a few months ago. So I just thought I’ll share it with you all. There is nothing more I will say today because I need some time to gather my emotions. Hope you all like the poem! 🙂

They’ve all drowned..

All the feelings my heart crowned…

Love was the first to sink in…

Trust got destroyed by hateful sin.

Hope was all that was left

It filled up the space left by the rest

But alas, the storm grew stronger

And the monstrous waves crushed it all over

Hope tried to hold on..

But the force was too strong..

It tried to find a way

To prolong the stay..

But the storm didn’t cease

And destructed all peace.

All sense has fled my mind..

Emptiness…. is what’s left behind…..