If only…

When I was younger, about twenty

I used to think innocently

Oh, let me just get that job!

Then I would never sob!

After getting my heart broken by plenty

I used to think innocently

Oh, let me just get married!

Then I would never be single and harried!

I now have a job, I make good money

I am now married, a mother of a baby

I still sob well, I am quite harried..

Truth is, I am lost, almost buried

Beneath the burden of responsibility

I have forgotten my true identity

All I wished for was love and joy

But all I’ve amassed is bitter foy

As the present seems bleak in pain

My heart still pounds in vain

Hoping for a brighter day ahead

I wake up each day and make some bread

I wear a smile all day, all gay

Hoping that good comes my way

And I bid farewell forever

To those memories that run a dagger

Through my heart and soul, and scatter

All the good in me away

To nothingness, vacuum and dismay.

What is inevitable

They say the only thing that one can be certain of facing is DEATH. Yet when it strikes your loved one, why does it shock you and traumatize you beyond repair? We watch the news and see millions of people departing from the world due to poverty, sickness and terrorism but that barely manages to move us for a minute but when a dear one of ours passes away, we feel like its the end of the world, not only for us, but for everyone. The world becomes eclipsed by an unseen phenomena. We wail and cry till our eyes can no longer support us. We struggle to breathe through that constricted, suffocating windpipe. We feel that we have the right to demand everyone’s sympathy and compassion towards us. And when people do not reciprocate in the expected manner, they become cruel? What we fail to question ourselves is, ‘were we any different’?

Where on one hand, death’s hand cruelly takes away a part of us, its intensity of pain can re-unite ties that were severed long time ago. Its ominous presence ironically shines light upon the path of forgiveness, love and care between bitter relations. A whole lifetime does not suffice to teach us the importance of love, friendship and unity, the way death so brutally does. And for those who still ignore its teachings, death renders them with nothing but regrets. Regrets for not making up when there was time, regrets for acting so foolish, regrets for acting so selfish, regrets for not regretting earlier.

Although, as much as we loved those who pass away, we learn to cope up with their absence over time. We begin to smile, laugh and even love again. I wonder how those up in the heaven feel when they gaze down at us, laughing and loving again, without them. Do they think, ‘after everything I did, this is what they do’? Or do they really feel selflessly happy for us?  Does the goodness of heaven diminish the worldly attribute of jealousy?

There is no doubt that life is short. Whether you live for a staggering 100 years, a strong 50 or an innocent 15, as they always say, its not the quantity but the quality that matters. Why do we spend so much of our life struggling with hatred, jealousy, greed and enmity when we can spend the same time with love and compassion. The answer is because we somehow believe that we are immortal. We believe that our healthy diet, exercise and our fixed deposits are going to be our everlasting elixir of life. Just embracing the fact that this world is temporary and that we have to leave everything behind one fine day is a powerful factor to keep us grounded. This is the solution to every fight. Yes, this is what we need to ultimately achieve what is called World Peace.

The people who live next door

A few days ago, I was coming back home from an outing and my eyes fell upon the door of our neighbors. Theirs is the apartment just opposite ours. A blue balloon and a ‘It’s a Boy’ door hanging caught my attention. Naturally, I understood  that the couple who got married last year now have a baby boy. I say ‘the couple’ because I don’t know their names. In fact, I don’t know anything about them except their physical appearance. Actually, I am not sure if I can remember how they look really because I happened to see them not more than 5-6 times in the span of a year. Funny, isn’t it? I know what my fellow bloggers/Facebook friends do, where they live, where they went on a holiday, what their last post/status was about but I don’t know the same about my neighbors. 

Being a 90s kid, I understand that this was not the scenario a decade ago. Those days, neighbors were the closest group of people after one’s family. They were always a part of a family’s joy as well as sufferings. Those were the days of petty arguments followed by apologies and promises of everlasting friendship. Those were the days when kids were more interested in whats cooking in the house of the aunt who lives next door. In fact, probably most of our free time was spent in our neighbor’s house than our own, or in playing ‘London statue’ and ‘catching cook’ with the society kids in the building compound. 

But technology again has intervened like a jealous, stubborn girl who does not like sharing her friends with others. People are no longer a part of a neighborhood. Playgrounds lie in desolation with an exception of a few lonely kids once in a while. Today’s children have virtual friends called Angelina, virtual pets like ‘Talking Tom’ and a motion-sensored Xbox 360 to play games like tennis and football without actually going outdoors. I asked my kid sister if she knows how to play hopscotch, only to get a devastating reply, ‘what is hopscotch?’ 

While adults of the house spend much of their free time in stalking people on Facebook, checking out (and burning in jealousy, ofcourse) holiday pictures of high school batchmates they haven’t probably met since farewell. But ask them about their neighbors and you would probably be informed that they are not nosy neighbors. 

I don’t know how many of you all would agree but I really miss those days when I could get a ready solution to any problem from my neighbor. There wasn’t any need of joining any kind of support group then. Although the idea of virtual friends is interesting and the benefits of social media probably outnumber the drawbacks, I believe once in a while we need to be grounded to reality. We need to retain the good practices of our ancestors to ensure that they are not lost forever in this digital era. 

   

An Inspiration on the Road

Recently, during the painful hours of waiting in traffic, I witnessed a simple act of kindness that had such a profound impact on me. It brought me to tears. It was a bright morning accompanied with high level of humidity. I was observing a municipality cleaner, who was doing his morning chores. Tears of sweat glistened on his face, nevertheless he continued working. I had finished sympathizing with him and got distracted by the green light of the signal just when the guy in the car in front of me pulled his window down, called the cleaner and gave him some cash, probably as a token of appreciation. The middle-aged man nodded his head and pocketed the cash happily and thanked the guy in the car. I was so moved to see the gesture. The emotion was followed by some sort of guilt as to why I was not so thoughtful in doing the same. Being born as humans, aren’t qualities of of compassion and care inherent in us? Isn’t that what sets us apart from other living beings on the planet? Yes, we are aware of millions dying every year in Africa due to lack of adequate resources such as basic food and clean water. We watch the news, read blogs, discuss world issues over dinner daily and shake our heads in disapproval but how many of us really take that 1% of pure, selfless effort to contribute to the neglected parts of the society? We might be part of charity associations and donating some bucks (whose worth, to be honest, might not be more than a dinner at a fancy restaurant) to a cause now and then, but do we ever interact with these people on a personal basis? Do we make them feel important and wanted?

The moment from the morning replayed in my mind throughout the day and I knew then how it is to feel inspired by someone. The unknown guy in the car truly motivated me to be more thoughtful about such people who labor throughout the day so that we can reap the benefits of a cleaner and healthier environment. It is not enough to be just sympathetic. Such small actions of kindness really have the power to fill their day with a whole lot of happiness. Truly, appreciation counts.

Not feminism, just humanism

When I was a kid, I always used to dream of ageing quickly and becoming an adult. It always seemed the easy way to achieving my tiny dreams such as being able to go out and come home whenever I wanted to, the ability to buy whatever I wanted, staying up late nights and sleeping whenever I wished to, in short, the idea of exercising freedom in all aspects of my daily life almost thrilled me. Now when I think about it, I realize how very wrong I was. Being born a girl, growing up and becoming an adult does not necessarily guarantee one the taste of true freedom. In fact, adulthood complicates things even further. I agree such is not the situation with all families, but it definitely belongs to the culture I have grown up in. 

There are some parents who exercise total control over their girl kid’s life. Result: A quiet, shy girl who lacks self esteem, OR a crazy, overconfident, loud, snobbish girl who does not believe in the idea of limits. Then there are some parents who grant a healthy amount of liberty to their daughters in living their own lives. Result: Happy, confident and smart girls who pursue their ambitions and dreams. So which parents are the winners? Naturally, the latter’s. Even so, there are still a huge number of parents in our society who belong to the former category. They are the ones who knowingly (in most cases) or unknowingly, create a gender bias within their families. I know of a certain family where the son of the house eats in expensive cutlery whereas the daughters eat in plates made of stainless steel. There are many families where the son is educated in the best of universities at the cost of the discontinuation of the daughter’s education because of a logical reasoning (DUH!) : the girl anyway has to get married and leave. She would not be supporting the parents in their golden days. I would completely support the fact, if only there would not be hundreds of old-age homes flooded with sad eyes, longing for a return home. There are also some so-called educated families who let the girls study in good universities, let them graduate and just when its time for them to fly, cut their wings and get them married to a qualified boy who does not believe in the idea of women employment (also, empowerment). 

A bitter reality of life is this: freedom does not come easy. It always comes at a price. That price could either mean belittling family aspirations or demeaning society values or in many cases, both. In the end its all about making the right choice. I would not say there is one right choice. It is a predicament that has no painless solution. Someone somewhere would always be hurt. It comes down to this: would it be us or them? 

Iman لإيمان‎

Faith. It is such a strong emotion. For those who believe, it dwells deep within, but very often, it completely ricochets off those who are less fortunate. Such a person is doomed to become hopeless, because every relationship on the planet is driven by faith. The Creator demands a sense of faith from His creations. The newborn has faith in its producer that it would be nurtured. A mother has faith in her children that they would grow up and protect her when nobody would. It is with utmost faith that a farmer ploughs his land and sows the seeds, hoping to reap a living. A mutual faith exists between lovers, a belief that they would last with the other forever. Friendship is built on the foundation of faith. However, when life gives a bitter dose at some point of time, people lose their faith. At first, they stop expecting from people, then God, and eventually they lose faith in themselves.

Life gets very difficult without faith. How can one pursue their dreams believing that they are doomed anyways? It is sad that some people never recover from such trauma. Lack of faith is a way to self-destruction. What remains is a heart that pumps but does not feel.

It is important to remember that a few setbacks should not be given the power to crumple upon our hearts, emotions and ambitions. We were born to live, fight, adapt and evolve with time. Life does not really come to a standstill. It goes on and its upto us to go ahead with it or wither in our agonies. I remember there were days (in fact, time and again, there still are days), when I used to wake up and feel why did I just not pass out in my sleep. These days were followed by nights where I used to cry and plead to Allah for a better tomorrow. And guess what? When I wake up today, the first thing I feel like saying is: Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah).  For those of you reading out there who are in a predicament, get up! Go out and explore the world and discover that life is such a beautiful representation of faith. Approach the world like a foreign traveler and have faith that good things are going to happen on this journey, and trust me… eventually, they will.

Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I say this because it was a perfectly ordinary morning yet I feel so disappointed within. Its noon now and my mind is filled with negativity. It is one of those days when one wakes up and all of their life’s struggles and worst memories hit them like a storm. And the heart’s spirit sinks so low, there seems to be no hope of hope dwelling in it again. At such times, all one wants to do is talk to someone about it all. Just that. Be heard. But time plays a cruel joke and one is left all alone, just on that very particular day, everyone needed seems to be busy with their life. It is quite ironic that when one wants to be left alone, they are flooded with suggestions, sympathies and empty words of comfort yet when one really needs them, they are left alone to deal with their misery. Such are the times when some realize the power of the Almighty. They do not even remember when it was last that they prayed, yet they beg, they cry and surrender themselves shamelessly to the Creator. And then gradually, a profound peace makes way into the soul due to a suddenly conspicuous love for Allah. This peace is followed by hope and happiness so intense that one miraculously forgets what made them upset in the first place. 

On such days, the true meaning of my existence dawns upon me. I feel a sense of remorse on realizing that living my life loving the creations, I forgot my loyalty towards the Creator. And yet, the Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim (the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful) endlessly Gives, Blesses and Forgives us like no other entity.  Life’s incidents time and again prove that there is a Superpower residing above us. And it is a fact that is crucial to understand because it humbles one, making him more human. More like how we were when we were born and less like our morphed selves.

Simba

“No! No, Simba is not going anywhere”, I said firmly gazing upon my European, snow-white pussy. The adorable creature purred and looked at me with those innocent grey eyes that pleaded silently to not send him away. The scene changed and I could see Simba stretching out his paw playfully towards my hand, meowing cutely. And yet again, a darkness ensued which was followed by another sequence of events that could see me crying and hoping it was all a dream. Simba was going away. I cried harder. “It is just a dream”, I assured myself. “Just a dream”, I repeated. It got dark again. And with a jolt, I woke up. Well, it was a dream. But it depicted one thing right, Simba had really gone. And the moment that crushing truth dawned over me, I cried myself back to sleep. It had been three days since my beloved cat was given away to the Sharjah municipality. I had not cried once since, or maybe I did, but I did my best in reasoning the need of giving him away and focused all my attention on other ‘important’ things. I tried hard in not giving in to emotions like the rest of my family members, who remarked on his absence in every few hours. I avoided thinking of how my mornings started with him prowling in my way, waiting for me to feed him, of how I was his favorite when it came to communicating via his meows, of how my bed was his favorite, cosy spot to take an afternoon nap on. But dreams are in fact mostly a manifestation of our deepest desires and fears and a portrayal of our best and worst memories that we so successfully conceal when we are awake.

I still remember the first day I had met him. Those days I could not stand the thought of living under the same room with a cat, or any pet for that matter. I was so afraid of cats that I used to jump a mile away on contact with his fur. My face used to burn, my ears used to twitch and my heart used to race when he came near me. But within a week, he won my heart. His mischievous eyes that also reflected the innocence of a 2-month old kitten and his playful attitude warmed my heart towards him and made me find a new companion in him. I named him Simba because of the grandeur with which he walked, always reminding me of the cute lion cub, ‘Simba’ of ‘The Lion King’.  I never knew before that the presence of a tiny animal could affect my life to such an extent. Simba had become the baby of our house. He got the most attention from everyone. His charm worked on people in such a delightful way that our relatives used to ask about his well-being every time they called from India.  I am not sure whether those who have never owned a pet would be able to relate to my emotions but I can guarantee that anyone who has ever loved and cared for an animal in this manner would be able to understand exactly what I am talking about.  A strange bond forms between a pet and his family, which can just not be explained. It can only be felt. To compare it to the bond between a mother and a child, or two friends would still be inappropriate because this is just something different, yet intense. A new lesson life has taught me is that love, companionship and attachment are not dependent on how similar two individuals are. It does not depend on race, culture, religion and in this case, species of origin. It is a magical connection that just happens and its longevity depends on how much we value it and how much effort we take to maintain it.

                                                        

When we took him in our house, none of us ever thought we would have to part with him so soon. But certain unavoidable health problems are associated with cat fur that forced us to make this decision. The pain of his separation still lives in all our hearts, yet nobody talks about him anymore. All of us are trying to move on and giving each other hope that he is fine and that soon we would be fine too. It is almost as hard as losing a human companion. Every place I see in the house still reminds me of those two years spent with him. I can sometimes almost see him right there, lying on the couch, or climbing on the fridge or looking at the world outside from the balcony.  And to think that now he is out there, facing it all alone without us makes my heart ache. I do not think I would ever be able to forget him. He was my first pet. And also my last. 

This Strange Thing Called Loyalty

Loyalty. The word is enough to scare the wisest, physically strongest, and so many so-called powerful people away. Everyone demands loyalty, but sadly nobody practices it, atleast, not anymore. I do not know whether it is evolution that should be blamed or simply the devil that exists in every human’s heart which appears at the slightest provocation, nevertheless I feel so disappointed and helpless. Absence of loyalty is the sole cause of all the evil and sorrow in the world. Why is it so hard for us to be loyal to our family, friends and loved ones? Why has the world reached such a stage where loyalty has become a phenomenon so rare that it calls for a round of applause? I thought traits such as loyalty are inherent in human nature. I thought this is what sets us apart from animals and other living beings. But still wherever I go, I see a disloyal friend, a husband cheating on his wife or vice-versa, ministers in a democratic setup betraying the community at large, a brother killing his own brother to claim inheritance and so many more heinous crimes that make me feel ashamed of being human. Lust, greed of power and addiction of vices are destroying the morals of the society.

I don’t claim that humans should be angels, but all I want to know is, why can’t an act of loyalty be reciprocated easily? Why is a loyal person suffering at the end of the day? How can someone simply just forget all those years of love, care and trust they received from someone and move on to satisfy their desires? Being loyal is almost being foolish these days. I heard there are really good people in the world too who care more about others than themselves, but I have not yet come across them. The only loyalty people possess is towards their aim of fulfilling their dreams. They are so blinded by the riches of the world, they forget that death is inevitable. Death takes all, and in the end it is not their royalties they take with them to their graves but their deeds. What is left behind of them is the image that conjures up in people’s mind when their name is mentioned. If only, people got the hang of this idea and worked towards it, if only they learnt how to resist their temptations and kill the devil inside of them, then the world would have been a better and happier place to live in. The clouds of negativity that surround us would cease to exist and the sun’s rays would shine upon everyone and warm their souls. If only I could practice what I preach. If only.